IN TWO MINDS:
The Anatomy of a Christian Hate Letter
Letter Five:
Webmaster's
note:
This
is
a
series
that
should
be
read
in
sequence
to
be
understood.
It
is
strongly
suggested
that
you
begin
with
the
introduction
first!
this
letter was written by Brian
Worley
Dear
Valerie,
About
a year ago, we moved into the
home in which we now live in.
When you’re new to an area,
making new friends is desirable.
I was curious if one of the guys
helping us unload boxes might be
a potential friend. Soon after
settling in, I invited him over
for coffee.
The conversation started
from scratch and before too long
he began to speak of his church
where he ministered. I patiently
listened and didn’t interrupt
as he finished expressing his
thoughts. He invited my wife and
I to come to his church. He had
no idea about my background, or
Ex-minister. All the time I was
thinking, how will I gently
introduce Ex-minister’s ideas
to him; decline his invitation;
and yet express genuine desire
to explore possibly becoming
friends?
I
started by showing him my degree
and ordination certificates on
my wall. He showed enthusiasm
thinking that I was a Christian.
I was just hoping that he
wouldn’t call me brother at
this point! So I briefly
discussed Ex-minister for about
3 minutes and quickly changed
the subject to baseball. When
discussing serious matters, I
firmly believe that it is best
to first secure the other
persons permission first before
proceeding to a potential
emotionally charged subject. I
was “on the spot” here and
couldn’t do this with him. It
isn’t wise to dump something
abruptly onto another person. In
that 3 minutes, I had asked him
to look at the website and said
we could talk about it later, if
he wanted to?
It
turned out that he didn’t want
to talk about it. In reality all
he wanted was another tithing
church member. Someone told me
that he had said some negative
things about myself and
Ex-minister to others. Since
then he has kept his distance
from me.
I
genuinely desire to have good
relationships with good people,
regardless of their faith. Soon
after other Christians
discovered that I had left the
faith, most of those same people
started to treat me in ways that
I had never expected. First I
was stunned, soon afterwards I
found myself irritated with
these same people that were cold
or rude. I made some “personal
transaction” mistakes in my
dealings with those same
Christians when trying to defend
my new views.
It
isn’t easy to tell the world
that you are wrong about
something, I have my own pride!
But in my irritation I found
myself trying to provoke or bait
those same Christians into
arguments. Inside my own ego, I
knew that I could easily win
those debates. I always “won
the battle, but lost the war”
in the process. This is an easy
trap to fall into and I hope
that our readers will be wiser
than I was upon leaving the
faith, and not repeat the same
mistakes that I made. I
think that it is difficult to
succeed in life unless you first
take responsibility for your
actions. So, here is my
confession!
Once
you have made a mistake with a
person, the road back isn’t
easily traveled. Who wants to
step into the boxing ring with
the undefeated heavyweight
champion, especially if you are
a lightweight? I’m learning to
check my motives before I talk
with people. Do I want to win a
debate? Embarrass someone? Be
careful in what you wish for!
Perhaps,
it is possible that I feel some
responsibility for bringing
others into the trap that robs
people of their lives? Maybe, I
do what I do now as a way to
right the wrongs from my earlier
days. But I sense that the
reason that I do what I do at
Ex-minister is because I feel
that there are many good people
that have been lied to about the
Christian myth. I think that
when faith divides people, it is
toxic and needs to be done away
with. Maybe I’m trying to
justify spending all that money
on my degree? (LOL)
Am
I saying that if someone’s
faith is working for them and
others without showing toxic
results, should skeptics then
just avoid the religious subject
altogether?
Yes, this is what I have
found that seems to work the
best. The way that I see it is
that there should come a time
when this person, whom you wish
to reach, will have sincere
doubt about their faith
worldview. When a person’s
worldview repeatedly fails to
answer individual, societal, and
global problems a person
gradually looses faith in that
worldview.
At this point, viewpoints
similar to that which
Ex-minister espouses are ready
to be explored by people with a
receptive mindset. This is where
we need to be ready to step up!
Remember that a man convinced
against his will is of the same
opinion still.
Valerie,
my families faith doesn’t
work! Can you share some insight
on how that I might have done
some things differently with my
friends and family when I sent
them this initial email that is
posted below?
Hello
everyone,
Just a very quick note. Most of you know of my website www.exminister.org. I have posted an article from the site at www.exchristian.net and people have an opportunity to comment on it there at this website. The article is named "God of the Bible is a Sheep Beater". Those of you in NC will probably recognize and know of whom I am speaking about. Was I fair to them? Anyway, I must go....my daughter needs some attention!
Sincerely,
Brian
Valerie,
I am enjoying these letters with
you and will look forward to
your reply.
Sincerely,
Brian
Want to review another letter in this series? Just click the link below.
Introduction Letter Letter 1 Letter 2 Letter 3 Letter 4 Letter 6
Brian
Worley Ex-Minister.org
January 2008 All
rights reserved